The Truth About BDSM

Before I ever explored BDSM, I thought it was all about pain, chains and leather.

Turns out, I was wrong about almost everything.

Myth #1: BDSM is abusive or violent

BDSM is rooted in SSC: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. sessions are negotiated in detail, and safety comes first. In many cases, the boundaries are even clearer than in so-called “normal” sex.

Myth #2: The Dominant is always cold, aggressive, and controlling

The best Dominants I’ve met lead with calm presence and emotional awareness. It’s not about being aggressive. It’s about guiding with care and intention.

Myth #3: Submissives are weak or damaged

This one surprised me the most. Submission, when it’s chosen freely, takes strength. I’ve seen (and been) strong, grounded people who find freedom in letting go.

Myth #4: BDSM is all about sex

So much of BDSM has nothing to do with intercourse. For me, it can be about energy, surrender, play and even healing. Some of the most powerful sessions I’ve experienced didn’t involve any sex at all.

Myth #5: You have to look or act a certain way to belong

To me, that was just a stereotype. I never needed latex or a dungeon to explore kink or feel like I belonged. What matters most is honesty, curiosity and mutual care.

When I first stepped into the role of a Domina, I had a long heart-to-heart conversation with a kind, experienced submissive. Later that night, I didn’t fulfill his deepest desires, but I gave him the best pegging he ever had. That was when I started realizing I could create my own version of dominance. One that is softer and patient, with or without leather.

My experience taught me that BDSM has a wide and colorful human spectrum of expression. The more I moved beyond stereotypes, the more space I created for freedom and deeper connection, both in and out of the bedroom.