Sex and Rock 'n' Roll

Music is one of those things people often leave until the last minute.

They'll think about the room, the lighting, maybe the candles or the sheets. Then, just before everything begins, someone opens Spotify and searches for "sexy playlist".

I've always thought music deserves a little more attention than that.

I've noticed that the right music can change the entire atmosphere. Not because it creates intimacy on its own, but because it helps us settle into it.

Sometimes it helps us relax. Sometimes it slows us down. Sometimes it simply gives us permission to stay in the moment a little longer.

Music does more than fill the silence

One thing I like about having music in the background is that it takes away the feeling of complete silence. Most people don't realize how much they're listening to themselves until there's no sound at all.

Music also creates a natural rhythm. Slow songs tend to slow us down. More energetic music creates a different kind of experience. Without realizing it, we often start moving with the music instead of rushing ahead.

And after a while, certain songs begin to carry memories. You hear the first few notes and your body remembers how you felt the last time you listened to them together.

I love that.

There isn't one perfect playlist

The interesting part is that music is incredibly personal.

A song that makes one person melt can remind someone else of an old relationship. One person relaxes with instrumental music, another prefers soft vocals. Some people love soul or R&B, while others feel more connected listening to jazz or even quiet electronic music.

That's why I think it's worth talking about.

If you're building a playlist together, ask each other what feels good to listen to. It can become part of getting to know each other.

One more small thing I've learned: if you can, play your music from somewhere without interruptions. Nothing pulls you out of the moment faster than an ad appearing halfway through a song. And if you have the time, let the playlist loop. There's something really nice about not having to think about what comes next, and simply letting the music be part of the experience.

If you're not sure where to start

If you're looking for a simple place to start, here's a three-hour instrumental playlist that creates a calm, relaxing atmosphere. I think it's a great choice until you discover what music feels right for the two of you.

I'd also love to share my own playlist with you. These are songs I've collected over the years, songs I keep coming back to because they help me slow down, relax, and settle into the moment. You may not love every one of them, and that's perfectly okay. My hope is simply that they inspire you to create a playlist that feels like your own.

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Sometimes the music becomes part of the memory. Years later, hearing the first few notes can bring you back to how you felt in that moment.

I think there's something really special about that.